And so, gentle reader, you may be understandably impressed to know that this summer I have been interning at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. And not just in the regular old art section, doing silly things like polishing the paintings or filing the sculptures or whatever it is they do. Oh, no, I have been in the Watson Library, where you must be able to decipher art and read at the same time, which is exactly like rocket science. After a really hard test that required me to know both my phone number and my social security number, I was subjected to rigorous questioning about what bands I liked and whether I tweeted, just to see if I was cool enough to be there. Gone are the librarians with little chains around their glasses, these librarians have little chains that connect their wallets to their belts! Is that hip or what???

    Gentle reader, when I walked in to the library at the museum and saw how good looking and witty they all were, I knew I was in good company. They were so impressed when I said I had a blog-and a laptop computer! When I mentioned immediately after introductions that I thought The Fountainhead was so passe, we all had a good chuckle and some people guffawed. They offered at once to take me down to the "cage" in the basement, where the ancient and contraband books are kept. Yes, gentle reader, contraband! They let me skim through some boring book from 1343, and thought it hysterical when I put little mustaches on all the saint's faces! The hilarity continued when I spearheaded a project to put an eighteenth century book of Indian erotica through the copier and hang up the pictures throughout the portrait gallery!

   Gentle reader, I don't know how they get any work done there, I truly don't. With all the cracking of jokes, knuckles and skulls going on, it's just a riot. Just remember, friends, don't be fooled: beneath every librarian's cool exterior beats the heart of a maniac -a dirty, dirty maniac.